World Wide Enemy

Dear Web 3.0,

fuck you.

By Web 3.0 I mean the latest wave of web applications, from Hulu to the App store. They’re doing something truly horrible to the Internet, and it’s about time someone speaks out. Google started it: every time I searched for something, I’d get the localized version rather than the global one (to get which I need to click a few links). This changed the world wide web to the Sri Lanka, the Latvia or the Taiwan wide web. Very annoying: I don’t care about the local version, local means nothing to me anymore: I work globally, shop globally, blog globally, watch movies and tv shows globally, partecipate to a global discourse – thanks to the Internet. But stupid Google (AI does not exist, period. AS, artificial stupidity, is blooming thou) thinks I need my results localized: why? For disgusting reasons, obviously (tracing, advertising and other dubious practices that come with what we call “free stuff” in 2011, cause we’re stupid as well). As if this wasn’t bad enough, the only iTunes store I can access is the italian one. Does it have the same apps? How the fuck would I know? What I do know is that some web links to the store don’t work, that I can only read reviews in italian, and that the top downloads (in music, books and apps) refer to the italian market. I hope you die in pain, damn Apple: this is humiliating.

For the same atrocious kind of reasons some services don’t work everywhere: Hulu, for example, is useless anywhere but in the US. Even Youtube has some content that is not available world wide. Not to mention TV apps for devices: almost none of them can be downloaded from Europe. There’s a different reason for this (but no less idiotic, perhaps even more): rights. Many shows and movies are not available in Italy because they plan to sell the rights to some local channel (that will dub them and fuck them up for good, because we’re demented as well). So these assholes think I’ll wait for next year in order to see the first series of, say, Life’s too short poorly translated and dubbed in italian. Will I? C’mon, wake up, you dumb morons tv execs: do you really think I’ll hang on? Have you ever heard of Bittorrent, you brick-brained walking suits? Wouldn’t we both be better off if you showed me some ads, letting me watch things legally (and partecipate in a world wide discourse)? Or do you think this is fucking 1985?

This Hulu sign is just ridiculous in 2011. As far as I’m concerned, my next phone is gonna be with Android, and my next tablet’s name isn’t going to start with an I. I’ll tell you what: I haven’t upgraded my Mac to OS 10.7, but everyone says it sucks painfully. The app store model is truly disgusting and I refuse to shop in there. So perhaps I’m gonna drop Apple altogether. I’m looking for a better search engine (because Google is evil). I still watch all the tv series I like as they come out, and will do my best not to be fenced in by some prick exec with a big salary who thinks he’s finally got a handle on how to tame the wild www. Fuck you, motherfucker. You’re my enemy: “If your children ever find out how lame you really are, they’re gonna murder you in your sleep” (Frank Zappa).

2 thoughts on “World Wide Enemy

  1. Your next phone is gonna be with Android, you say that Google is evil… but Android is Google’s!